THE LOAN SHARK

Al Kruger returned from a funeral with two friends, completely disheartened. The struggling infant toy store-owner was deeply grief-stricken by the loss of his old acquaintance, yet that was not the cause his very noticeable misery.

“Some funeral that was.” Morty said, patting his over-sized perspiring forehead.

“I’ll say. Can you believe that shameless wife of his, trying to climb in the coffin with him? Oye!” Sol threw out with evident exhaustion. He then pulled out a T. Anthony leather-bound flask from the inner pocket of his Mo Ginsberg trench coat. He threw back a shot with the skill and grace of a skid row bum and passed the bottle to Morty.

“Yeah, that damn box was heavy enough without that heifer on board.” Morty took a swig of gin. “Sure is too bad how he went though.”

“You’re not going to start with that again are ya?” Sol said.

“What?”

“With this, this shark business.”

“Hey you didn’t see the body. I saw the guy after he was killed, okay? Even the coroner said he was attacked by a shark!”

“A shark huh? Morty, you knucklehead, Herbert Tenenbaum was killed right here in Brooklyn. In his own store. How does a shark get all the way from the Atlantic Ocean to Flatbush Avenue? Huh? Take the Subway? A gypsy cab?”

“Look, I’m just telling you what the man told me.”

“Okay mister know-it-all, tell me why the police are still investigating it as a possible homicide, huh?”

“I can’t believe you guys”, Al interrupted grabbing the flask from Morty’s hand. “I’m days away from loosing my entire business, and all you two guys can do is sit around and argue about how poor Herbert died.”

“Eh, you’re not gonna loose the store Al. Don’t worry.” Sol said earnestly trying to reassure his friend. “But I’ll tell ya what, I’m going to get this conspiracy theory nutcase outta here so you can get some rest.”

Al’s ears heard the words, but nothing registered in his preoccupied brain. He didn’t even notice his long-tried buddies exiting. He was altogether lost in self-torturing thought and wracked with worry.

“So this is how it all ends?” Al said throwing up his arms and yelling at the ceiling, “Sixty six years old, and still a failure”. He fell dejectedly into a stool behind the front counter and pulled out a gigantic ledger. He stared at it a cheerless moment, then broke down and began sobbing. “Why me God? Why me?” He repeated between sniffles, “I’ve been a good man haven’t I?. I kept this shop running for thirty-five years. Always paid my taxes. Okay, I messed up with the first wife. But is that any reason to punish a man in business?”

The door opened and like a gisele, Buffy Kruger breezed-in. She was the sweet, but dim, trophy-wife that made Al the envy of his fellow midlife crisis friends. Though she was drop dead gorgeous and truly loved him, Buffy came with her own set of headaches for Al. Buffy was thirty-three years his junior, astonishingly gullible and very expensive. Nevertheless, she had a heart of gold. And a lot of designer cloths to match it.

“Baby you look so sad, what’s the matter sugar?” she asked.

“Buffy, I’m gonna loose the store.” Al uttered like a shameful confession.

“What? Oh don’t be silly honey, you’re not going to loose this place.”

“If sales don’t pick up, I don’t know baby”,

“Al, you are not going to loose this store.”

“And how do you now that?”

“Cause if you loose the store, you loose Me.” She said with a giggle as she snuggled up against him. “Sweetie you have got to start thinking positively. I mean it darling. You should write some prosperity affirmations.”

“Prosperity affirmations?”

“Yeah, Swami Pluribus says if you pull out a sheet of paper and write money now comes to me easily and abundantly 100 times and a miracle will happen.”

“That’s a great idea Buffy, I’ll just sit here and write ... prosperity affirmations, and fifty grand will just materialize”.

“See sweetheart, your problem is you don’t believe in miracles”.

“Oh, that’s what my problem is. I see. I thought I was just a lousy businessman”.

“You’re not a lousy businessman Albert. You just lost your sense of optimism.”

“See I feel better already”.

“No you don’t, but if you write those affirmations and really believe things will work out, they will. So do it sugarpie. Do it for me”. She gave him a kiss and glided out the door.

Great, he thought. New age advice from a woman with an I.Q. of 16. He kicked open the bottom desk drawer and pulled out a bottle of Old Bushmills. Al stared it a moment like a lost old friend, took a deep breath, poured a shot, and knocked it back like a dehydrated pirate. Finally he forged courage to unbolt his ledger.

“Man, I’m going to have lay people off. In thirty-five years I have never had to lay anybody off. Goddamn! And I was hoping to give nice Christmas bonuses this year. Instead I’ll be handing out pink slips. Son of Abraham, life is so unfair. If only I could make it until Christmas. Maybe I can mortgage the house. Maybe I should just jump off the Brooklyn Bridge and save myself the headaches.” Al couldn’t stomach to look at the actual the life-threatening tale the numbers told. The firewater began to dull the pain a tad. For his own amusement he began ‘writing money now comes to me easily and abundantly’ over and over on one of the pages. This will at least make bunny happy he thought. The last happiness she’ll know before moving into the poorhouse.

Three hours later, Al was passed out and slumped over his accounting books. The humble toy merchant was startled by the sound of the door opening. He lifted his head and was looking face to face with a shark. Too dazed to become aware of it he immediately speaks to him.

“Uh, sorry but were closed.” Al said squinting to get a better look.

“That’s okay, I’m not here to buy anything,” he said.

“Listen; don’t take this the wrong way, but uh, you kind of look like a shark to me.”

“Ah, I see. You know in an advanced society one would be judged by their principles and values, not their appearance.”

“Well I just woke up.”

“Could use a little help could ya Kruger?”

“I could use a little business.”

“Yeah, I know how it is.”

“Ya see if I could just make till Christmas everything would be fine. I always have a good Christmas. And this year we have a completely new line of educational toys coming out that is the rave in Japan. I’m looking at making a fortune. Wait, why am I telling you this?”

“Cause I care Al. I cause I care. I’ll bet fifty grand would tie ya over till Christmas.”

“Are you kidding? I could make it pass the holidays and open another store with that kind of dough.” The shark tossed a wad of cash on the table. Al picked it up.

“Hey, that’s fifty thousand dollars.” Al said astonished at what was in his hand.

“Pay me back when things pick up Al,.” The shark said as he was exiting.

“Wait a minute, who are you? Cause you still look like shark to me.”

“A friend Al. A friend.”

[One year later]

Al is busy at work in his very crowded store. It has been completely renovated. Bunny Krueger is holding court by showing off the hottest educational toys to a cheerful gackle of wealthy Japanese mothers. Jesus has his hands full at the register, which is lined with customers. Al is on the phone trying to speak above the clamor.

“What? No I can’t hear you…no, no, I need ten of those flat screens. For Christ sake, I do have ten computers, not five. Yeah, that’s two for each store. What? Wait let me go in the back so I can hear.” Al steps into a back office and closes the door.

Meanwhile Buffy has a captive audience demonstrating a crib toy that teaches an infant mathematics. Mrs. Yi purchased three dozen Infant Calculus Mobiles®. .

Meanwhile, the shark enters. immediate pandemonium ensues causing the ladies to run around screaming and ultimately jumping threw the windows to get out of the store. the sound of glass breaking causes Al to comes out from the back. He is taken back with shocked when his eyes fall on the shark standing at the front desk . He clearly looks down on his luck.

“How ya doing Kruger?” he asked Al who is shaken to the bone.

“What are you doing here?”

“You’re not even gonna ask how I am? I thought we were friend’s Al.”

“Uh, er, we are friends…I’m uh, just surprised to see you that’s all. Uh, how are you? How have things been going?”

“Things have been rough for me Al; it’s been a really, really bad year.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Thanks Al. It is real kind of you to say that. But you’re doing well I see. Five stores now.”

“And five times the problems.”

“But you’re doing good Al. I’m happy to see that. Look, Al, I’m going to get right to the point. I need the money you owe me.”

“Huh?”

“Ya know the loan, I need the cash now. I’m really busted Al.”

“Oh, of course. The money. Ya see I don’t have it on me right now.”

“I’ll take a check Al, I trust ya.”

“It’s not that, it’s uh, you see all my money is tied up in investments and running the business, I don’t have fifty grand just lying around.”

“I don’t understand Al, I mean, you owe me that money,” he said getting a little closer.

“But, I mean, where have you been?”

“I been busy Al, but I ran into some bad luck. You know what that’s like. Remember Al? Now I’m busted and I need that loot. I’m gonna be honest with you Al, I’m really hungry.”

“I could order us something in.” Al said nervously trying to lighten the situation.

“I’m not really in the mood for jokes Al. It’s not your fault, I’m hypoglycemic. I need to eat every three hours otherwise I get, well, let’s just say, it ain’t a pretty sight.”

“Uh, I can, I can get you the money in a few days, but…”

“That’s nice and all Al but ya see my blood sugar is crashing now.”

“I’m sorry about that, but I just can’t…”

[Three days later]

Morty Goodman, Sol and another elderly man named Stu walk into Stu’s deli, which is completely void of customers. They take seats in a corner booth.

“Some funeral that was.” Morty said wiping his brow.

“Yeah, poor Al.”

“Too bad how he died.”

“You’re not going to start with that again.”

“Come on man, it was as clear as day. He got it the same way Herbert did.”

“I can’t believe you guys,” Stu interrupted“,I’m loosing my business, and all you guys can do is sit around and argue about how Al Krueger died.”

The End

The Loan Shark and all contents in the collection titled You Always Hurt the One You Love is protected by the United States Copyright office. Any publication, public performance, duplication, or recording is prohibited without the written permission of the author Gaz O’Connor. Copyright 2005

This is am uncorrected proof.